Kaydee’s Sassy Soap Corner - Week #3
Welcome back, readers!
The third tour of the Loonview express is now boarding. Please see security for our routine baggage check, and please have your survival kits open and prepared for a quality control inspection. For your safety, you will not be able to board without a complete inventory and backup of the survival kit items. The staff has cleared all passengers for departure. All aboard!
Loonview Law & Order: Pt. 1—The Bickering Buchanans…Again!
This is becoming a serious waste of airtime! Clint is already a lost cause, and I think he lost credibility with us viewers sometime after Mitch Lawrence’s resurrection. Clint Buchanan’s character has been hacked to pieces for quite awhile now, and whether it’s due to a lack of effort on the powers that be, or a lack of storyline content, we viewers have been force-fed some fatal doses of Gibberish Soup. The veteran actors portraying the Buchanan brothers report to work five days a week, probably undergoing regressive hypnotherapy sessions so they can remember what it was like to fight with their younger siblings over their GI Joe figurines when they were ten years old. How else could they perform their Romper Room roles so well? Which sets the stage for Kaydee’s “Is it Me, or..?” episode of the week.
Is it me, or is Commission-Not Buchanan rapidly losing his composure when it comes to Inez? I spent most of the week chucking back a handful of Pepcid AC tablets and screaming out, “Back it up, Bo! Your drool is showing!” or, “Excuse me. I didn’t mean to step on your wagging tongue!” There wasn’t a minute of his dialogue that wasn’t spent trashing-defending his brother in the restaurant. And exactly what was Nora trying to accomplish by butting into her former brother-in-law-turned-ex-husband-turned-current-brother-in-law’s business? (Hang on, taking a Motrin….done!) Whew! Loonview makes one’s head spin. And is it me, or did Nora seem to be cross-examining Inez herself? What a poorly-masked fishing expedition! Has either Nora or Bo realized that they should be focusing on their children? Matthew and David are both in jeopardy. One in the criminal capacity, the other in the moral capacity, and both Nora and Bo are in the obligatory position to prevent and rectify these situations. If Inez has any sense at all, she would close up her evening bag and run like hell in any direction that steers her away from the Buchanans! Is there any viewer who’s still wondering how Eli, Ross and Dr. Evans have been able to wreak such illegal havoc on Loonview?
Law & Order: Pt. 2—CSI Loonview/Bones Crossover Episode:
John McBain and his lady sidekick ride again! I have to say that this is another current storyline that seems to be keeping a quality stride and is developing nicely and consistently. Unlike the standard annoyances that we viewers are always forced to endure, the snags that John and Natalie have run into have been realistic ones. They haven’t been right at the door, while the missing person they’ve been looking for is calling out their name, and walked away without investigating. The delays in this storyline have allowed us to experience normal impatience rather than those Rogaine moments that go hand-in-hand with, “Are you serious? You didn’t think to go see who that was?” I am glad to say that I am just anxious for John to get to the prize, rather than jump into the screen and do it myself because I find them to be incredibly stupid. I was thrilled to see that John and Natalie turn their suspicions onto Dr. Evans. It was the first moment in a long time when I was able to reach for my lunch without the Pepcid AC.
Law & Order-Pt. 3—Justice For All?
Is it me, or does anyone else think that the judge who presided over the custody hearing got her license from a gumball machine? What a discombobulated circus that hearing was! Funny, I always found her questionable as a therapist in the real Law & Order series, too! Leave it to Llanview to appoint the strays to preside over their most important cases! Granted, Danielle has two fathers in her life. She knew one as a child, and she’ll always have that bond and love for Ross. But TODD is her father! Psychotic and twisted an individual as Todd may be, she has come to know, love and bond with him and siblings she never knew she had .She has a loving stepmother, twisted as Blair may be at times, and she has developed a new, complete life as a teenager to which a life with single father Ross will never compare.
What family court judge would rule in favor of a young girl permanently living a half-baked life? Danni testified that she couldn’t choose between the two of them. Understandable, but she didn’t opt out of living with Todd. A wise judge would realize that a custody hearing is designed for mud-slinging between the litigants. It’s a competition for a prize. A judge’s need for wisdom at any given time is a hard task, but this one wasn’t such a hard case. Yes, there a will. Yes, there were a lot of crazy displays from both men, but Danielle isn’t property to be divided up and rationed out. Todd’s proven blood connection should override the will in this case, because Danni has displayed signs of flourishing since she first came to Llanview, and even the judge observed that there is genuine, deep-sated love for Danni from both men. If Todd were abusing her, involved with high-profile crimes, etc., I would probably have a different opinion.
I personally thought that the tape recording Rat Rayburn provided was a flimsy piece of evidence to be the deciding factor for the judge, since a verbal threat to kill someone far underweighs someone physically grabbing you at gunpoint and jumping into the river with you against your will. But, hey, it’s Loonview. I can’t help but cling to the fact that Téa is indeed alive, and this whole comedy drama will come to a head. Please fasten your seatbelts as we head over to Teen Town.