Ho, ho, ho, Express Riders!
Santa has parked his sleigh at our station and set up the after Christmas gift buffet! Line up, readers! Pick a gift, any gift, and please join me and this week’s Guest Reader Tour Guide Assistant, Jillian V., as we head this week’s tour of The Loonview Readers’ North Pole. Only two items from the Survival Kit will be needed this week—Rogaine and the helmet. You will be instructed as to when to utilize these items as we proceed. Let’s go!
First stop, the law.
Loonview Law & Order: Wearing Asa’s Hat
Dear readers, the viewers have spoken, and the writers have FINALLY responded!! It took all of what, a century of Survival Kit epidemics to get here, but we are indeed here. Clint has been exposed! Inez confessed to Bo and Nora the details of Clint’s entire plot against them. While Nora and Bo were not initially quite ready to accept Inez at her word, eventually things she said began to make sense. When they finally fell into place, the couple was at least relieved of one unnecessary weight on their marriage. Considering that they’re going to need all of their strength and energy to kick the Clint out of their “what-the-hell-is that” son, I’d say Santa has been very gracious.
Woo! So many gifts have been delivered at once this week, it’s hard to know what to talk about next! Bear with me, I’m taking breaks to do a few backflips. Ok, I’m back. Where was I? Oh, yes, Inez’s Clint revelation. If you think THAT was great, you can’t leave the gift shop without accessorizing. Keep those gift bags WIDE OPEN, folks, because there is quite a massive group of “must-haves” to come. Ready?
AFTER Inez gets the Nora and Bo to soften their stance a bit toward her, she asks Bo:
“Do you believe me?” (Now, I’m no rocket scientist, but I would think that Inez would have been a tad bit afraid to push her luck by trying to ask Bo ANYTHING directly in front of his wife! THAT question could have waited a few seconds! If I were Nora, right at that moment, I would have socked her with a rolled-up affidavit just for the hell of it!)
Well, I was still a bit skeptical to believe that the writers had actually allowed Santa to ride freely and not throw a monkey wrench in our newly-found joy, so I gripped the edge the arm of my chair until my knuckles turned white as I awaited Bo’s reply. In the brief, nerve-wracking pause that followed Inez’s question to BO, I prepared to reach for my survival kit. Surely I was going to need a Pepcid AC and a pool of Rogaine to treat my reaction to the anticipated STUPID response I was sure Bo would give Inez. Tick tock, tick tock..
Well, readers, Bo looked at his wife for a few extended seconds, then turned to Inez and said….
“Inez Salinger, you’re under arrest!” WHAT?! Well, a shocked Inez starts babbling that she didn’t kill Eddie. Bo tells her that he isn’t arresting her for Eddie’s murder, he’s taking her in for drugging him. Inez, now horrified, says:
“No, please! Don’t do this, Bo!”
(Psst! Hey, Inez! It’s “Commissioner Buchanan” to you!)
Yes, readers, I am officially reinstating Bo as a real Commissioner of Loonview PD. (Until the next SOPS episode).
But wait, there’s more! Yes, readers, Santa is on a roll, and he has picked my personal wish list to fulfill. WOW! There is just so much to tell! Okay, okay, let me try to keep things in order. After telling his officer to arrest Inez, Bo tells Nora he has something to take care of. Nora’s female intuition kicks in and she pleads to Bo not to do anything stupid or dangerous. Bo tells her he’ll be back soon, and he leaves Nora alone with Inez. She asks the officer to give her a minute with Inez before taking her to jail.
Apparently, the writers must be reading my commentaries, because Nora asked Inez if it ever once occurred to her to tell Nora and Bo about what Clint was doing to her? Inez remained silent, so Nora answered the question for her. No, she was just so determined to get a little play with Bo that nothing else mattered. Now, they can only hope that Clint and Bo can resolve this mess before someone else gets hurt. Take Inez away, boys!
And there’s still more…
Later, Bo and Nora are clinging to each other romantically. Matthew steps in and zeroes in on his mom as to why HE is in the house. (The little snot!) Well, readers, here’s where I feel the writers are responding to a Kaydee commentary. Bo, with a firm but even tone of voice, tells his spawn that he’s home to stay. Matthew blubbers something “about after he cheated on you with Nate’s mom?” and Bo took control. He tells Matthew that there was no affair, and Matthew says he saw his father in action. Oh, really? What EXACTLY did you see, Matthew? To save time, I won’t repeat what we viewers know Matthew thinks he saw.
Bo clarifies the misunderstanding and then lets him know that he is no longer allowed to work for or be around Clint. Matthew brattily shouts: “Oh, now I can’t work for Uncle Clint now?” (Uh, YEAH!)
And Bo tells him that’s exactly what he means. He will be focusing on his CLASS work from now on. Brat-thew protests, but his, er…PARENTS are having none of the backtalk. He storms out with his books. The only thing missing was the swift kick to his rear by Bo to help expedite the trip.
Brat-thew goes to B.E. and confronts Clint. Why did Clint tell him that his parents were cheating on each other? Clint gives him that stupid mischievous look What exactly did your parents tell you? The Spawn tells Clint that there never was an affair, and they don’t want him to work there anymore. Clint sheepishly asked if that was ALL they said. Brat-thew says: “Yeah, why?” Clint, relieved, turns the tables on him. If that was their only reason for stripping you of your position here, then it doesn’t make any sense at all.
Matthew asks Clint if what he said about Bo and Nora was true, or was that one of his fancy smokescreens to distract from the fact that Rex is Clint’s son? Clint wheedles his way out of that, using that old “protecting the family” nonsense, and the little brat falls for it. He tells Clint that he really loves working for B.E., and he doesn’t want to quit. Clint then directs him into a new plot, whose details were off-camera.