Happy New Year, Express Riders!
The New Year has opened the door for the crazies, and MAN, are they running rampant! With Clint and Marty leading the madness, rest assured that several items in the Survival Kit will be required frequently during this week’s ride. Buckle up, and prepare to depart. First stop, the law.
Loonview Law & Order: The Flight of the Superbroom
Make no mistake, dear readers, the real Marty Saybrooke has left the building! It was painful to watch the psychotic morphing process she underwent in her scenes with Natalie, and I pray that next week the writers will put her out of OUR misery and lock her up in St. Ann’s with Clint in the neighboring room. Santa, that’s all I want for Christmas. She crashed John and Natalie’s wedding, and we watched as her eyes bulged and her body gave in to a few bouts of twitching when she spoke. Tourette’s Syndrome, possibly? The whole storyline has been filled with pathetic catfights between Marty and Natalie.
Marty is supposed to be the adult in this situation, the highly decorated medical professional, the MOTHER of a son the same age as the very woman she’s blackmailing, yet watching the two of them in action has us scratching our heads trying to decipher which of them is truly the grown-up. Marty has deluded herself into believing that her vengeance plot is justified because she’s protecting John in the process, and she’s opening Jessica’s eyes as well….Well, to that, Kaydee says, back then and forevermore…..
HOGWASH!!!! Bull—(censored).. malarkey…and every other adjective that means “full of it”. She is a scorned woman, plain and simple. She’s not even genuinely trying to “avenge” Cole. His situation provided the perfect legitimate scapegoat to unleash the raging waters of hatred and jealousy on Natalie that had been welling up since her miscarriage. The whole town of Loonview is to blame for her rampage. She should have been forced to take a leave of absence from her practice when she lost her baby and mandated to undergo her own psych evaluation. Maybe some things would have emerged that could have been construed as a red alert that there was a psycho in the making.
The Buchanan Lodge concept is good one. Natalie’s intentions to keep Marty locked up and tell John about the paternity “results” herself is brilliant! But alas, dearest readers, as we know, it seems that when the powers that be FINALLY do something great and quality rich, it seems that they cause their own systems to malfunction and they quickly write in some comeback obstacle into the script to prolong our pain. Really now, sudden labor pains for Natalie just as she gets the upper shotgun-toting hand on Dr. Saybrooke-Hyde? Really? Couldn’t that happen AFTER she got away and drove three-quarters of the way back to Loonview General? But, noooooo…..Marty gets the opportunity to turn the tables and activate our nausea waves with yet another Exorcist performance. But she does finally blurt out her true reasons behind her anger toward Natalie….She is the reason that Marty didn’t get the opportunity to have ANOTHER baby with John!
YOU SEE?? I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU!
Now, it’s all out. Marty has officially been knighted with the Lady Loon title! Please get rid of this eyesore of an imposter and bring Susan Haskell’s real character back! Spare us the Pepcid moments, writers…PLEASE!
Law & Order-Pt. 2—Trial By Jury
Nate’s being arraigned for his father’s murder. Téa, (who managed to sneak Dani into the closed proceedings disguised as her paralegal), brilliantly paints the trying judge a picture about the “solid evidence” gathered against Nate. By the time she finishes, the solidity of the evidence resembles a circumstantial heap of nothing. The judge calls for a recess to review the spin on things and make a decision as to whether or not Nate’s charges should be dismissed.
While they wait, I get one of the wishes I asked for last year granted….NORA SLAPS INEZ!!! But wait, there’s a bonus. She tells her off and cuts her down to size by mentioning that Matthew saw her and Bo in “action” and now he’s affected. (Well, you can’t really pin Matthew on Inez…he’s been affected for quite some time now!) However, somewhere in the heated monologue, Nora accuses her of trying to ruin her marriage by setting Bo up to get a shot at sleeping with him. Inez reflexively blurts out that it wasn’t HER who did that to them. Well, then WHO did?
It was a sad thing to watch Bo flub around trying to seek atonement for a sin he didn’t commit. Thankfully, Rex came around and planted the seeds of suspicion in his head to make him realize he didn’t commit that sin. Slowly but surely, we viewers are watching as Clint’s hold on the Loonview community is loosening, but do we viewers dare to hope?
Speaking of Clint, the storylines this week have put him in a more pleasing position…the one where he plays the bull’s-eye for everyone’s target practice. We begin with Viki. Jessica is lying in a hospital bed, suffering from early labor pains. While they await the doctor’s final report on her pain, Clint decides to go overboard with the worried father act. I am aware that he’s on the level about Jessica, but this new incarnate version of Clint was more of a risk than an asset to Jessica’s problems. When the doctor arrives with the devastating news that she needs to get an immediate C-section to deliver her very premature baby due to a placenta complication, Clint barks the command to go ahead with it.
Viki kindly reminds him that Jessica and Brody are to make that decision. While the couple decides, Clint corners the doctor to ask if she knows what caused the complication; the doc informs him that the gunshot wound she sustained last year is the cause. Clint completely rips Charlie to shreds in Viki’s presence. Viki, in an uncharacteristically high volume, demands that Clint apologize to her husband and might want to act like a decent human being for the sake of his child. (HA! I’d pay for a front row ticket to that magic trick!) He refuses and storms off. His next stop? Morocco.
Loonview’s Comedy Central: The Chronicles of David Vickers Buchanan
No matter what the storyline, we can always count on Tuc Watkins as David Vickers to make us bubble over with laughter. Only David Vickers can make being a lovesick prisoner in the gulleys of Morocco comical. In case I didn’t say it, I’m LOVING the return of David! His pain over losing Dorian and feeling hopelessly desperate was definitely something that we can all relate to, but the methods he’s used this week to resolve his problems was a much needed break from the SOPS agony we’ve endured for the past year.