"Tess is back..."
Copyright by ABC, 2011
“What-the-heck?” week is still in motion. Welcome to new reader—and this week’s selected Guest Reader Tour Assistant, Elaine H. Is it me, or has the show this week often made you feel like you were floating back and forth between alternate realities? For three weeks, we have been graced with solid, well-written and well-developed storylines. The plots were building nicely and gelling well, and the characters were maturing. The actors were able to put their best feet forward, and we veteran viewers actually remembered the thrills we once got from our daily dose of Llanview mayhem.
Um..wh-wh-whut happened? Tess is back, Clint is free, Aubrey is a Clint aide, Charlie is a bigger idiot, and the list goes on. Warning, dear readers: open your Survival Kits and keep them open as you board for quick access to any items needed during the tour.
First stop, Loonview PD.
Loonview Law & Order: The Villain, The Gopher & The Commish
WHAT THE HECK???? After WEEKS of suffering through multiple Pepcid moments of Clint Buchanan..(pause to grimace), waiting to be put out of our misery, we watched as Clint was brought down with a bang. Man, did we celebrate! (I certainly scared my children with my horrible break dancing). And then, the very next week..Clint slides again! UGH! And to add insult to injury, Aubrey was given enough clout to offer HIM alliance? I think Santa dropped a smoke bomb in the office on the way back to the North Pole and the vapors were lethal.
Are you kidding me? Aubrey? Really? How exactly did dodging the bullet with an impromptu wedding by way of an impulsive, hormonal Joey so abruptly transform her very shaky walk on the tightrope into a seat of power on the Board of Clint Buchanan Bailout Executives? WHAT THE HECK? And just when we thought that Llanview would have a Clint hiatus, and all of those affected by his reign of witchery would have a real shot at putting the pieces of their lives back together—the old Asa-not gets unleashed back on to the public. GUH-RRREAT! Just what we need. Please pull out a packet of Pepcid to relieve the nausea before I proceed.
Oops, pop another one. The nausea spell isn’t over yet. If you’re wondering if you can get more nauseous than Clint, allow me to present Joey. UGH, what a jellyfish! What a puppet! What a marshmallow! Okay, the rant is over. But, really…does such a level of human airhead really exist? HOW MANY WAYS CAN HE BE DUPED? Jeez, I didn’t think he had any whole pieces of himself left to tear to shreds, but along comes his very ill-timed and misused sense of confidence. Just when he grows a spine, he takes an even longer walk down the Path of Self-Destruction. I get it. Clint’s despicable activities would make him an enemy in Joey’s mind that lost all rights to even speak to him. I get it. Really, I do. But AGAIN, the mention of footage came up. And as I mentioned last week, too many tidbits about AUBREY keep getting thrown at Joey. Yes, yes, I know. They have come from the two people who have personal motives to be rid of Aubrey. I GET IT. It’s understandable, even. But isn’t Joey ticked off enough, or annoyed enough, or ANYTHING enough by now to be willing to hear one of them out if not just to prove them WRONG and REALLY SHUT THEM UP?
Oh, I know that I’ll be getting a lot of mail reminding me of the shabby mishap with Kelly’s doctored footage last week, but I’ve already taken that apart. Joey’s “I’ve-Found-The-One” game comes with the Self-Convincing process as well. He’s spending more time trying to convince himself that EVERYONE has a motive against Aubrey that he’s also convinced himself that there’s no need to give in to that nagging voice of suspicion in his own head. No matter what has transpired between him and Kelly to cause their breakup, NOTHING has ever shaken Kelly’s protectiveness of his well-being and happiness. NOTHING! They have always been the best of friends to each other even when they walked separate paths. Kelly should be insulted that he’s behaving as if he’s forgotten that. Frankly, Joey wouldn’t be so appalled with his father’s shenanigans if those actions hadn’t involved Aubrey. I’m going to be the first one in line to buy advanced tickets for the “Joey Eats Crow” production when the (BEEP) hits the fan.
Over to neurotic Vimal, who is shaking in his handcuffs as he imagines every worst case scenario possible that will happen to him because of his confession at the wedding. Rama stands by her man through the hysterics, and while her never-ending pep grates my nerves, she’s the sanest and most composed player in the Clint Buchanan deception game. She singlehandedly managed to snag and retain the services of Téa Delgado-Manning as her husband’s legal counsel, while simultaneously giving Bo and Nora the ammunition they need against Clint, and giving us a little comfort making Aubrey squirm. Way to go, Peppy!
Law & Order Pt. 2: Bonnie Cramer and Clyde McBain
BARRR FIIIIGHT! Hilarious! John and Kelly commiserate over their love woes in Rodi’s Bar. John is angry and bitter, while Kelly is broken-hearted and defeated. Okay, here are two examples of my own personal spin through alternate realities this week. I welcome any reader who can correct me or fill me in if I overlooked something, because I’m completely baffled on these two things. Baffling episode number one: Isn’t John Rodi’s owner? He was paying for his drinks throughout the entire scenes. Baffle number two: Um, didn’t he throw everyone the heck out of the bar? How was there a very large group of people there to promote a bar fight? Okay, moving on.
John and Kelly’s deliberate provocation of the biker couple was nothing short of hilarious. Kelly’s blubbering outburst to distract the bikers away from John reminded me of something the characters in the “Wayne’s World” movies would have done, and it only made the scene more hysterical for me. Of course, as in any slapstick comedy western, the hero gets beat up anyway before the end of the scene, and carries the female in distress away….straight to the bedroom. And this scene was no exception.