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How to Tell if You have Arrived in Llanview, Pennsylvania

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How to Tell if You have Arrived in Llanview, Pennsylvania

Welcome to Llanview, Pennsylvania!

Copyright, 2011
Wonder what it would be like if you found yourself trapped in the middle of this fictional town? Here's how you can tell if you have entered into this "other world."
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: 20 Minutes

Here's How:

  1. You will find out most Llanview residents have as much free time as they do money.
  2. You will encounter life-altering experiences every couple of weeks.
  3. Your spouse or significant other will leave you for someone else shortly after you arrive.
  4. Most of your conversations with other people will take place in a bedroom or living room, and will usually involve the drinking of hard liquor.
  5. You will find out your best friend once killed someone, went through a lengthy trial, was convicted and sentenced to life in prison, but was miraculously set free within minutes of being transported to prison.
  6. Chances are the person you fall in love with will turn out to be your long-lost brother or sister.
  7. You will soon learn you were adopted.
  8. You won't have to worry about money, as you will soon find out you are the long-lost heir of a wealthy relative.
  9. You are only required to work less than twenty minutes a day.
  10. You occasionally might find yourself trapped in an underground city, transported back in time or have an out-of-body experience in Heaven or Hell.
  11. Don't be surprised when a newly departed family member or friend turns up alive after all.
  12. Once you find the love of your life and get married, expect to be divorced two months later.
  13. And finally, don't be surprised to come home one day and find that a family member looks like a totally different person and has aged about 5 years.

Tips:

  1. Don't get tricked into entering hidden rooms or basements.
  2. Never go to your car alone as you will be attacked.
  3. Only bring dress clothes to town, jeans and t-shirts are not allowed.

What You Need

  • Great body!
  • Gorgeous looks!
  • Ability to lie, cheat and steal at any given time.
  • Fresh make-up at all times, even in the morning or when making love.
  • Your own personal hairstylist to ensure you'll always look your best.
  • Access to a gym, along with really cute work-out clothes.
  • Women need a steady boyfriend, lover, husband or all of the above.
  • Men need to have the ability to switch partners at a moments notice.
  • A gun, explosives or at least a bottle of pepper spray.
  • Access to drugs or alcohol to drug your latest victim.

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