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Recap by Kaydee

One Life to Live Recap for Tuesday, April 8, 2003

Heeey, howdy, hey, folks! What is going on in Llanview, hm? Okay, we have a wedding, a confession, a revelation, and a comedy skit. The New Superbroom Generation has lifted for take-off, and we are forced to upchuck our lunches as we inhale its fumes. If you are squeamish or allergic to stupidity, do not board this recap. Fasten your readers' safety belts, folks..


Again, I summon the Halliwells. After revealing Dorian as the mystery guest, all hell broke loose among the party-goers. Viki stands in shock, as do the rest of the veteran Llanview residents. Cassie and Blair rip into Dorian for dealing with Mitch in any capacity, but Dorian pastes a smile in place and sashays around as if she were on a cloud. She greets everyone as if she's doing no wrong, and then she goes over to Mitch and stands proudly by his side.

As if the shock of her return wasn't enough, Mitch and Dorrie announce that the "party" is actually their wedding ceremony, and thank you all for attending. Viki slowly approaches Dorian, with a shocked look on her face, and she responds to Dorian's smile with a loud smack on the face. She reminds Dorian that Mitch brutalized Cassie, and as of late, he's added attempting to cut out Natalie's heart and steal Jessica, and drugging and raping her to his resume of crime.
Now Viki can acknowledge that they've never been friends, but how can Dorian even CONSORT with this sub-human, scum-of-the-earth creature?

Dorian, trying to keep up her smile, tells Viki that she knows Mitch did all that, but he's changed now. He's the man she loves, and she's never felt this way about any man before.

"What about Mel?" calls a voice from behind the cluster of heads. It's Joey. He steps out from behind the crowd and reminds her that she said those same words about Mel, and HIM. She is visibly hurt now. She tells him that she was truthful about the men in her past, but this is a different time. Joey tells her that if he truly ever cared for him, as she says, then don't marry Mitch.

She spots Cassie leaving and she excuses herself. She runs after her, pleading with her not to leave. Cassie tells her mother that not once in her promise to make Mitch pay did she ever mention marrying the creature. Dorian tries to get her to go along with her plan on blind faith, but Cassie tells her that no matter how many times it appears that Dorian has changed, she never will. Cassie storms off, and Dorian sulks off in a corner. Viki asks Dorian if what she's doing is worth losing her daughter.

Dorian puts on her rivalry face and tells Viki that she hates the fact that Dorian has power in Llanfair. She hated it when Dorian lived with Victor..Viki tells her that marrying Mitch for Llanfair after being married to Victor simply means that Dorian traded one monster hubby for another one. She asks Dorian what has happened to her? When Dorrie left, they weren't friends, but they had come to terms with each other. Dorian had written a very touching letter when Viki underwent her mastectomy, and her letter really meant something to her. Now, just as they had come to a point of mutual civility toward one another, Dorian returns, only to do something three times more despicable than she'd ever done in the past.

Dorian tells Viki that she meant everything that she wrote in the letter, but the idea of them being friends was never in the picture...as for her current involvement with Mitch, weeellll..that's who she is. Viki says that she doesn't agree with her. As a matter of fact, Viki says, she thinks that Dorian has something else up  her sleeve. So why are you really doing this, Dorian?

Dorian starts to tell Viki that she doesn't owe her any explanations, but Natalie and Cris come barreling out of the party to announce that they're leaving, will she be okay? Viki tells them she'll be fine. Nat kisses her mother's cheek and Dorian introduces herself to Nat. Natalie says, very harshly, that she knows who Dorian is. Viki introduces Nat to Dorian, and Dorian says that SHE knows who NAT is. She's Mitch's ex. Nat tells her that Mitch is all hers now, and she leaves. Dorian tells Viki that Mitch tells her that she and her newly-found child are having their share of problems. Viki smoothly replies that apparently Mitch is a little behind in his info, because she are Natalie are getting along swimmingly.

Mitch comes out to fetch his bride-to-be, and the three of them go back inside and split up. Jessica joins her mom and a few seconds later, Mitch draws everyone's attention to a guest that's just arrived. Everyone turns to see Judge Fool Grafton. Viki tells Jessica, in a tone of voice that holds no surprise whatsoever, how "surprised" she is to see the very judge who ruled against her in the probate hearing arrive to perform Mitch's wedding. She knew all along that there was something fishy about the probate hearing's turn of events.

Flash over to Commission-Not Buchanan.....

He and Nora are in a huddle over in a corner of the room. They are suspicious of everything that Mitch has pulled thus far, and they are trying to figure out what Dorian's role is in this whole mess. None of them had noticed Gabrielle sneaking into the party, only to be rudely dragged out by Max. Neither did they notice that Max and Gabby were engaged in a huddle of their own, discussing a topic that was about to blow their own lives wide open.

Bo takes another stab at solving a mystery, giving his viewpoints and speculations of Mitch's plans. Just as he is about to come up with a Buchanan Brainstorm, Gabby rushes over and snatches him away, telling him they need to talk and it can't wait.

Nora tells Bo t wait just a second, she has something for him that Matthew sent him. She pulls out a drawing of Matthew and Bo at Matt's soccer game, and Gabby's face contorts in pain. They head outside, and Gabby breaks down. She confesses to Bo that a letter had arrived for him at the house. She had opened it, she had read it, and she had burned it. She isn't proud of that, she wants him to know, but there was information in the letter that both he and Nora need to know.
What would that be? Why doesn't he read it for himself? She says, as she produces a thick manila envelope from inside of her coat and hand sit to him. He asks her where she got this package, and she confesses that she swiped it from Nora's. The letter tells Bo and Nora, that little Matthew Rappaport is really Bo's son!


What a riot these two are! When they were struck by Mysterio's "When you hear the word ‘bourbon'"  lovebug, who knew that we viewers would be in for such a treat? I am still cracking up here!

Apparently someone must have mentioned the magic word off-screen, because Nigel and Roxy were all over each other when they appeared onscreen. They are ogling each other while the tango music plays in the background, and halfway through Roxy telling Nigel that: "I'm horny for you, baby", the construction workers' foreman enters and tells her that he doesn't mean to interrupt, but he has to finish their job. Roxy sluggishly tells him to carry on. He calls for his workers, snapping his fingers to beckon them. Roxy and Nigel snap out of their spell and jump at each other's throats. What the hell is going on? What are you doing here? Nigel tell her that he has three words for her...bad...hair...day!

Roxy sprints after him with a stick, and they race around the building, causing a ruckus similar to what you'd hear in the monkey cages at a zoo. Asa walks in and demands to know what the hell those two are doing. Roxy tells him that Nigel made fun of her hair, and Asa says he doesn't give a damn about that, he just wants to go home and cuddle up to some bourbon. UH-OH!

The Dynamic Duo goes at it again! They turn back into mush, and ogle each other as Asa rushes off. He screams out: "Nigel! I said I want to go HOME!" Nigel says, "Coming, sir!"

He leaves and Roxy slinks down onto a sheet of plastic Nat and Cris walk in and eye her strangely. Nat dares to ask Roxy what has her spirits up, and Roxy tells her that she's in love. Nat says that she hates to ask, but who's the lucky man? Roxy says, move over, Ben AFFECT, I have the sexiest man alive!

Over at the Buchanan Mansion...

Nigel is still on Cloud Nine, much to Asa annoyance. He is humming, (and the tango music still plays), and Asa says: "Nigel, you need to go upstairs....and go to sleep!"

Nigel does, swaying to the music in his head.


Never forget that it was me, Kaydee, who first exposed the complete lunacy of the Rappaport women. Remember that it was me, Kaydee, who first exposed the perils of the Superbroom, and proved that being born a Rappaport, especially when you are crossbred with a Loonsey, is toxic.
Let's move on, so that my theory can be supported.

In one word, all is explained....the word? JEN! Now I could end things right now and tell you to stay tuned, because JEN says it all, but where's the fun in that?

Okay, let's take a flight on the PsychoBroom Enterprise, and see what the Brat is up to up close...

We open with Jen asleep on her bed in the Palace Hotel. A shadow moves across her, then a shot of feet moving toward her dresser displays across the screen, Slowly, the camera view raises its view to capture a shadowy full figure. Suddenly, Jen's voice calls out, "What are you doing?"

The lights come on and we see Rex. (Another psycho brat.) She is annoyed with his silence and she reposes the question. Why is he stealing her things? He tells her that he didn't know she was staying in this room. And that make it better? Jen says. She's not buying his story, and she picks up the phon and calls hotel security. Rex begs her to hang up, promising her that it will never happen again.

Jen stares at him disbelievingly, and he desperately tries to get her to agree to give him something to do to make it right with her. She kisses him, and he asks her what she's doing. She says she's picking up where they left off. They head for the bed, and halfway through the kissing, she backs out. He asks her impatiently, what is the problem. She tells him she's changed her mind, and he tells her that they've done it before. She stays silent, and he presses her for an explanation. She tells him that her dad died.

He softens a little, and tells her that he's sorry. She asks him why is he sorry, he didn't do it. Her mom did. HER MOM? Rex says. Jen says, Yeah. She thought he was someone else so she offed him. Crazy, huh? She starts to talk about how Sam was the only person in her life that made her want to be a better person. Now that he's dead, there's no one left to be better for.

KAYDEE'S QUESTION: If this was a better Jen, what are we in for now that she is planning to NOT be better? If this was her best, she won't have much regressing to do!

Anyway, Rex isn't really sympathetic to her grief, and he tells her that he's going to quit knocking off the rooms, but Jen tells him that he'll do no such thing, because she's going to be his partner in the next hit!


By now, you all must know that I'm a "WB's Charmed"fanatic, so what better coincidence could happen except for a man named Cole to appear in Llanview, and he's no "innocent"?
Hee hee! Okay, okay, I'm done! Let's move on! Hee hee!

Antonio enters his mom's diner and she hugs him. He apologizes for his previous brutal behavior toward her, and she tells him not to worry about that. He tells her that he has been fully reinstated and she is very happy for him. She tells him that a man came in looking for him, saying that he used to be friends with Antonio, but Carlotta somehow found that hard to believe. Antonio asks Carlotta what the man's name was, and when she says "Cole", Antonio gives her a look of panic.
He tells her that Cole is no friend and send him away next time he comes by.

Flash over to a phone booth outside the diner.....

There's a dangerous-looking man named Cole on the phone with a seemingly-shady-sounding character. He tells the other party that he's found Vega and will finish up his business. He hangs up, and a little while later, he and Antonio come face to face!

And finally....


Finally the wedding happens, with only two witnesses left: Blair and Mitch's snotty lawyer.
Fighting the acid reflux that churns in her stomach, Blair endures the really gross kiss that seals the marriage between her aunt and the demon. The judge and Evangeline announce that they have to leave, but Mitch stops them, telling him that he'll walk them out. When he leaves, Blair demands to know from Dorian what the REAL reason is for the marriage. The REAL REASON, Dorian!

Dorian spills the beans about how she came to be in contact with Mitch. He saved her from some bad trouble she got into. She tells Blair that she was shocked that he was alive, and that she was going to be rescued by him. But nonetheless, he told her all about his plans with Victor, although she knew nothing about his plans to cut out Natalie' heart. She tells Blair that the thought of living with Victor again was repulsive...

And living with Mitch isn't? Blair remarks. Of course it is, but you of all people should know that you can't get to Mitch from the outside. Now, can I count on you?

Mitch walks in at that point, asking if he'd missed something. Dorian covers her tracks, telling him that she was asking Blair if she can count on her support of their marriage or accept familial severs. Blair pretends to concede defeat and leaves. Mitch tries to suggest a "wedding night" with Dorian, but she tells him that she's exhausted. He suggests that Dorrie rest, and she heads upstairs. He returns to digging in the basement, yelling out in frustration as his power drill fails to penetrate the thick cement.

Stay tuned.


Recap written by Kimberley Barnett, © Copyright by Katherine Thurston & 2003.

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